Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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