i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm going to jail i love you
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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