you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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