I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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