So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize