someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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