Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize