my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
