you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
