I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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