she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
