my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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