Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
