I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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