I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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