If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
