MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
