i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize