also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Oh god it's open bar.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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