you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
