Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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