I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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