The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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