pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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