so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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