I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
