chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
