i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
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