Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
