My cat gives me a boner
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
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I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
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We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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