im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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