the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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