You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
