there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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