sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
