I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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