I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.