Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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