Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.

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  (978): benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are. http://tfl.nu/ifpr
  Replies (4) Good night (4909) Bad night (568)
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  (+77): View more from

  her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'

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  (+77): her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like' http://tfl.nu/jkuk
  Replies (22) Good night (6913) Bad night (1459)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants

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  (720): It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants http://tfl.nu/j8mk
  Replies (8) Good night (969) Bad night (5220)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me

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  (707): its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me http://tfl.nu/kg6n
  Replies (11) Good night (1840) Bad night (3295)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.

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  (203): Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit. http://tfl.nu/kamj
  Replies (17) Good night (4868) Bad night (813)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?

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  (765): She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards? http://tfl.nu/6kdc
  Replies (11) Good night (3727) Bad night (1000)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  since when the fuck is that glamorous?

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  (843): throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected (1-843): since when the fuck is that glamorous? http://tfl.nu/4ixl
  Replies (8) Good night (1436) Bad night (3321)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??

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  (813): Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick?? http://tfl.nu/vxvq
  Replies (12) Good night (3233) Bad night (1452)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.

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  (210): If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings. http://tfl.nu/8q1l
  Replies (9) Good night (4264) Bad night (775)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.

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  (815): I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time. http://tfl.nu/qrqx
  Replies (7) Good night (2391) Bad night (774)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.

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  (618): An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name. http://tfl.nu/g5lt
  Replies (5) Good night (2393) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome

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  (815): When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome http://tfl.nu/kf51
  Replies (6) Good night (1970) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.

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  (562): That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation. http://tfl.nu/22zx
  Replies (5) Good night (272) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see

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  (651): Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see http://tfl.nu/afr3
  Replies (6) Good night (1442) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today

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  (541): You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today http://tfl.nu/hkte
  Replies (1) Good night (335) Bad night (636)

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