im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
