you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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