Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
They have beer where we have blood.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
