lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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