i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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