I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
