Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
