mondays should just be called national damage control day
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
