I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
