Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I accidentally had phone sex last night
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
