I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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