i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
