Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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