There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
