I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
