Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
