Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
