The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So many bounce houses so little time
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
