so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
