We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
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Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
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Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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