if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
A bitchslap is in order.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
