This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
