Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
