Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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