But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
