Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
