I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
