There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
