I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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