I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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