you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The beer is more important than you right now.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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