I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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