Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
